In the Bush

In the bush. That’s where I was. Lost in the bush with my big, dumb older brother, Hugo. The lack of deodorant coming from his armpits was appalling. An owl hooted. Stars gleamed. Something moved quickly in the shadows.

It was night in the Woodman Woods, where our campground was eerie and creepy. I had been woken around what looked like midnight. The full moon must have woken me. I got out of my cramped, damp tent to find my “father” gone. Like he was never there. His tent, everything, was gone. I wondered if he ever was there. Or if it was a dream. My brother’s snoring was still shockingly terrible, so it couldn’t have been a dream. This is what it sounded like.

“Snark! Snarf!! Snore!!!”

My brother snores like nothing on earth. I heard the trees rustling in the wind as my blood boiled. My “father” left me alone with my stupid brother. Hugo has no intelligence what so ever. He is a loser and a high school drop-out who always failed every exam. I can’t believe I’m related to him.

I decided to try and sleep – if I could – and take my mind off it. Not working. Poop.

I could smell my brother from a bit over 5 metres away. I knew the nocturnal predators would be lurking outside the tents. They would have been lured there by the smell. So I summoned up my courage and crawled out again, taking my own deodorant to his tent.

Hugo was sprawled all over the tent. Not a square cm was without an arm or a leg or something. And it was an average sized tent. As I climbed over a leg and the smell got worse. His armpits were open, so I sprayed my “Lucia Lovely Lightness – Frangipani Style” one his armpits. I paused. I sprayed it all over him. I climbed out and relief flooded over me, like how my deodorant was washing over my big, dumb, now frangipani-smelling, older brother. I smiled. Then I climbed back to bed and fell asleep almost straight away.

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